Reciprocity in Relationship
Reciprocity
In the historically inspired 2010 movie Three Kingdoms, Sun Ce travelled back to his hometown after the death of his father. There, he met Zhou Yu who told Sun Ce that he had travelled 800 li (about 350 miles) to look for him. Sun Ce then joked that he should have travelled another 800 li to see whether Zhou Yu would follow him. They were both 16 years old at the time. They were loyal friends and later laid the foundation for the Eastern Wu kingdom.
Of course, not every relationship will turn out to be like that of Sun Ce and Zhou Yu. But their story illuminates the concept of reciprocity, which is the foundation of every healthy relationship. Confucious mentioned that reciprocity is 1 word that should guide daily activities.
What Is Reciprocity in Relationships?
Reciprocity in relationships is the mutual exchange of resource, energy, experience and support between partners.
The Importance of Reciprocity in Relationships
Healthy emotional reciprocity is a critical factor in any committed relationship—be it familial, romantic, professional, or business—because it is a key indicator of trust, love and support. In a relationship with healthy reciprocity, each individual feels they give and receive support; this feeling of mutual exchange enhances and strengthens the relationship overall. On the flip side, a lack of reciprocity can create an unhealthy relationship where one partner experiences burnout, unloved, or even used.
3 Types of Reciprocity in Relationships
There are three types of reciprocity in relationships.
Balanced reciprocity: A situational form of reciprocity, balanced reciprocity is the act of giving something and expecting a specific (and roughly equivalent) outcome in return as repayment. For example, you may attend your friend’s wedding and expect your friend to attend yours.
Generalized reciprocity: Like altruism, generalized reciprocity is giving freely without expecting anything specific in return aside from general goodwill. Generalized reciprocity harbors a sense of mutual respect and belonging. These reciprocal relationships are common with people you love and trust deeply, including friends, family members, romantic partners, and other loved ones. However, this form of reciprocity can potentially be abused and leads to the next form of reciprocity.
Negative reciprocity: The least equitable form of reciprocity, negative reciprocity is the act of giving minimally only to receive something (usually of greater value) in return. It does not have a place in any healthy relationships.
How to Practice Reciprocity in Relationships
Try these tips to foster a healthy reciprocal relationship:
Encourage open communication. Healthy communication is important in any relationship, be it familial, romantic, professional, business. It’s also necessary to ensure your connection remains reciprocal. Practice active listening and confirm each person in the relationship feels happy with the give-and-take of energy and support.
Remember to take. Don’t forget that you need support, too. Avoid a nonreciprocal situation by taking in addition to giving. Healthy interdependence is important in a relationship.
Customize reciprocity to each individual. Relationship therapists talk about reciprocity in terms of different languages. If you like to receive gifts and your partner prefers words of affirmation, make sure you tailor your support to their language rather than your own.
Think long term. In the short term, there will be someone who’s giving energy and someone who’s receiving energy. Avoid focusing on these specific moments to judge if there’s an imbalance in your relationship. Instead, zoom out and think about the bigger picture. Consider trends over longer periods and decide if each person in the relationship supports their partner or partners’ well-being. Then take steps to enhance reciprocity in the relationship via open communication.
What is your reaction to my thought? I would love to hear from you.